I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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