my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
