My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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