I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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