Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
