It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
