Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
