Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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