Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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