ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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