The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
