you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
