a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
