My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
