i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
