I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
