I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
