I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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