Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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