can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
