yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
