Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
