Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm in love with you.
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"