Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.