Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.