somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"