Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it