no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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