I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
birth control should be required to get into college
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
