she was so not down for the gang bang
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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