just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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