I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
