Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
