You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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