i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
