Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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