at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish i was in the wii world.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
