I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize