I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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