Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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