A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
