her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
