Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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