If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just cropdusted the office
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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