I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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