I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
