Your dad touched me again.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
