I'm pants shitting drunk right now
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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