It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
