Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
