i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
