I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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