the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
