My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize