I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
