what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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