I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize