life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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