She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
