Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
