You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize