my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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