Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
