From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
