Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
