Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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