There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
