Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
