shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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