marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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