guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The struggles of a small town man whore
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
