i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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