I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
