you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
