So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
