How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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