RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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