her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
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We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
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You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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