i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
