wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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