I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I want to make a zoo with you.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
