sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
