i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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