Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
