Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I've blown a few things in my day
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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